$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
