Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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