clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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