I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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