margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
