i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize