the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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