i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
