I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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