im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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