We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
