A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Randomize
