i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
