he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
