and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
