I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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