Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
