I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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