my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize