My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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