who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
