you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
