Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
