kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
