He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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