"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
