He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
