We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
