anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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