i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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