Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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