why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
