Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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