you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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