Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
