I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
