We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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