This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
