I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
