How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
