No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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