Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize