Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize