Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
