Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
