He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
