you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you had me at cake vodka
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
