Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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