I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
