u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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