It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
