I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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