dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
