i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
