I wanna bring you to show and tell
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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