I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
