So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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