Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Sorry about my life...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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