I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he puts the penis in happiness.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
