I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
