Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
