How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
