i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
