So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
