dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize