Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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