my room smells like sperm. sweet.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize