I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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