How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
