I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize